2020: The year of M O V E M E N T

I came across a post by Keri Hilson where she was speaking about how she would like to go into the new decade - how she wants to let some pieces of herself go, strengthen some and create new ones that would serve her spiritual and worldly purpose further.

Now, I have had a tough couple of weeks ( those of you who have me on whatsapp will know this as I've been spilling these feelings on the daily), and in the mist of these adverse times, I have just been moving and pushing to get through this uncomfortable season. What I didn't realize, is that I was actually pilling up on my emotional damage.

In my previous post Changa'calada, I speak about how instantaneous we are in our reactions when we are faced with change, how we're so set in our ways that when a foreign place, experience, scenario etc, good or bad, comes along our life path, we have a set method on how to react or deal with it. We never delve deep to unpack the situation, feeling etc for what it is, what it means to us as human beings, or our life in the broader aspect.

Now I don't blame us, we're human. Heck, we have neurological systems in place to protect what we know as safe; what's familiar. This is a piece of what I call living on auto-pilot: living on systems and methods that have worked for you in the past, or not really worked, but that's all you know so you'll stick to it (hindering growth btw).

I once had a boyfriend break up with me while I thought we were soooo good and oh goodness you should have seen me hahaha. I'm on the extreme side of emotional and sensitive, and this was the perfect situation for those traits to thrive. I was balling my eyes out, lol you know that weeping where you don't make a sound but your eyes are puffy and it's the Vic falls down your cheeks? Yep – that's the one. I was heartbroken, shambled and quite on the fragile side. Now here comes the power of consciousness: at that point I was overwhelmed with these feelings coupled with HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? AM I NOT ENOUGH? AM I NOT WORTHY FOR YOU TO NOT FIGHT FOR ME? These are all 'normal' reactions, I mean someone who once thought the world of me doesn't want to be with me anymore, it's a kick in the balls.

At this point, my feelings on the situation have not been processed (I mean where would I even find the time because I went straight into reacting), all I was merely doing was reacting, reacting off the situation yes, but also feelings off similar situations that have affected me in the past that I didn't dissect. Like when I was going through a tough couple of weeks? And I was pushing and moving forward? But no debrief of my feelings and spirit, remember that time? Or even some inter-generational trauma where the feeling of abandonment from my father has a chance of seeping through in a situation like a boyfriend breaking up with me.

All these feelings from these situations/circumstances bottle up into reactions, and we normalize these reactions by saying anyone else would react this way or how wrong the situation/person is. What we need to pick up is we never speak about our feelings, not feeling of being hurt or uncomfortable, but rather what these feelings mean.

“I'm sad because I thought we were headed somewhere.” “How much did this person mean to me if my feelings are so heightened.” “What does say about my dependency level.” “Who am I without this person.” “Was the reason for the break up valid.” “I feel that this could be tied to my daddy issues.” “How can I untie my feelings of abandonment from my interaction with men?” “What can I take away from this to use for future referencing?”

Of course these are specific to my break up and each unpack session will be tailored to each situation. As you would have picked up, this questioning is about healing. You're questioning your feelings to get to the root. It's like going to the doctor with symptoms and finding out what's really wrong in order to medicate yourself. Instead of crying over a sore tummy, crying over how painful it is, hoping it'll go away - you go to the doctor, get a diagnosis and start healing yourself.

Okay, I could literally go on and on, but what I'm trying to say is: with the new year looming – how are you planning on shifting? Shifting in your habits, how you love, speak, heal? I'd love for you guys to share your ideas!

To the year of MOVEMENT!

Love and Light sunshines