The Fortune Teller

So last year I was helping a friend cover the HR Indaba for @colourgrassTV, which was quite a cool event I must say. I initially thought it would be a bunch of rehearsed suits who were after ‘the big prize’ (being rich), and more shallow than the kids pool at Waterloo. But to my surprise; I met the most interesting and diverse crowd, that got me in chills once or twice during the course of the Indaba.

Everyone was quite optimistic; ‘high on life’ you’d call it. There was an unwavering atmosphere of drive, information and ‘the world is your oyster’. I loved it. 

Which brings me to the story of my encounter with a fortune teller. A fortune teller I got in line for at the HR Indaba (yes, there was a fortune teller at the HR Indaba). But that’s not it, what surprised me even more: she had a queue. A whole queue of spiritual suits, also in the dark about their future, and frankly, quite nervous about it too if they’re willing to wait in line for a fortune teller at a business convention. 

So there I was, on a work assignment, but in a line trying to find out what exactly is going to happen on this rollercoaster ride called life. And honestly, if you’re going to wait in line for it, it means the journey to that very point has had It’s breaking points - well I know that was my feeling going into the session. 

So the teller said a whole lot of stuff. Me being very fertile and having twins in the future - the crystal ball had all the answers apparently. But what stood out to me was the month of April, 2020. She said ‘next year in April, something major is going to happen to you’. I didn’t really take the things she said to heart, but the calendar appointment for April was embedded on my spirit. I didn’t know why, but it was. 

Which brings me to today’s magical healing. So I was watching a B-grade movie (chosen by my sister. And I emphasis B-grade cause I wasn’t really attentive, as B-grade movies usually don’t have an intricate plot). So a quick summary of the movie: girl dreams of the country-side white picket-fence and being a well-known pastry chef. She has 2 best friends, where one of them is in-love with her and she doesn’t know (of course). She meets and marries a city guy and (of course) they’re not a great fit, she fits with prince charming who’s disguised as her best friend (of course). Anyway, in the end, she had to divorce this city nigga, and in her ‘coming-to-realisation’  speech, she made me realise something I had been shying away from for years now. 

The ‘dream life’ that I had pictured, was actually not mine. The supposed career, husband, house etc, wasn’t mine. I was blocking out the things I really wanted, just to achieve this dream I had supposedly been dreaming of my whole life.

Anecdote: I’ve always wanted to get married, have kids and live happily ever after, because I didn’t really have reference for it as a child. And everyone was doing it; I assumed that would be the epitome of being happy in life. But in all honesty, I just wanted to get paid to write and create, be a little tipsy in the evenings, laugh with people I love and financial stability that allowed me to buy scented candles for my foam bath nights.

Now I still want to get married and have the kids, but I’ve discovered that that’s a part of the mystical being that I am. A part of the picture. 

So after the movie I went outside and smoked a joint. It was like it was made in the heavens - my revelation. The sun was shinning through the clouds, the breeze was dope and I was nice and easy from my high. 

I made a decision in that moment: I am not going to have a picture. No picture of what the future needs to look like. Burnt it, it’s gone. That picture just takes away from my days, worrying about putting it together. 

So I’m going to be happy and do what I can today, and I’m going to be happy and do what I can tomorrow. And so on and so on and so on. 

The big event in April was not a magical carriage dropping a genie; but a huge step in my growth and definitely a step in my healing. And for that, I am grateful. 

Love and light